Pirates Battle Reports for 2010

This is the archive of Pirates battle reports for the year 2010.

Jan 05 — A New Decade
Apr 06 — Swoop's On

A New Decade
Pirates Battle Report

For our first battle of the year (and the decade), the usual piratical villains set up for an unusually wild and wooly fray. Each admiral got a four-masted ship, a three-master, a two, a one, and six crew. All ship types were in play, including submarines.

The islands were in an unusual configuration: an outer ring of eight islands with two coins each, then four inner islands with three coins, which were joined by four reefs to Sandbar Island in the very center, with six coins. Sandbar Island is surrounded by shallow water; a ship that rolls less than its number of masts cannot enter the shallows to dock at the island.

This battle marked the first time the Mercenaries had appeared in any numbers. We used Cadet-Captain Mike's house rule for the Mercs: a Merc ship can take any nation's crew except for crew with the Loyal keyword, and a Merc crew can serve on any ship as long as the Mercs don't outnumber the crew of that ship's faction. We completely did away with the Mercenaries' official rules, which we think are stupid. Also, we have decreed that all Cursed ships and crew are really Pirates.

As usual, the Fire Blossom was waving her hand at the Cadet-Captain, hoping for a handshake that would mean an alliance with her. He held off, waiting to see how the battle developed and where his best advantage might lie. "Do you have any cookies for me?" he asked, fishing for a bribe; she shook her head. Almirante Antonio also wanted an alliance with the Cadet-Captain, but he didn't have any cookies, either. Paul and Jake had some kind of teamwork going; it's not known if any other alliances were in play. If they were, they didn't last long.

Antonio began the trash talk by noting that Richard would be a poor choice for an ally, since he hates violence. "He's going pale right now at the very thought of a fight," he gloated. Mike, who's seen Richard in action more than Antonio, had to disagree. "Once he smells the gunpowder, he turns into a totally different person. Doctor Richard and Mister Death." These words proved to be prophetic.

The layout of the islands broke up the action into three separate battle zones. It will be a lot easier to report the action by covering each zone separately, starting with the area that had the most ships involved.

In the east, the Dread Pirate Richard's fleet had set sail in search of action, not gold. But there didn't seem to be any action to be found. His neighbor to the north, Petty Officer Jake, was disinclined to acquiesce to Richard's request for a battle; he stayed on the far side of the reef barrier. To the south, the Fire Blossom was closing in, but she wanted gold, not a fight. All three of her ships that could carry gold were stopping at islands to load up. So Richard's submarine surfaced at the closest wild island, and her crew went ashore in search of what treasure they might find.

That's when Aimee changed her mind about fighting. Her big shark, Carcharodon, closed in fast and rammed hard into the Nautilus, doing no harm. It tried to eat a crew in a boarding action, but the submarine fought it off without loss to themselves. The little HMS Tweed wasn't so fortunate; the shark rammed her next, and her one mast broke at the base and fell overboard. At the same time, the Shadow unleashed all four of her cannons at the Nautilus... and all four missed.

All this time, Bosun Zach's fleet had been pillaging the rich central island; now he wanted more action. His Corazon Dorado became the first ship ever to try and cross a reef. It cost her a mast, but she made it, and got into position to take a whack at Richard's smaller ships. Her first shot was meant to finish off the derelict HMS Tweed, but even without a mast, that little sloop couldn't be hit be long-range cannons. Zach's second shot hit the USS Quigley and splintered her mizzenmast.

"Why did you attack me?" demanded Richard. "You said you wanted some action," replied Zach, who didn't seem a bit sorry. So Richard decided to make him sorry; he'd smelled the gunpowder, and now Mister Death took over. His Freedom went into action against the Corazon Dorado, assisted by the damaged Quigley. Between them, they hit with every cannon they fired, and Zach's big ship found herself with no masts at all.

His next-biggest ship, the Mezquita, came to her rescue; she made it across the reef and took the Corazon in tow. Richard let them go, but he wasn't quite finished with his action. The Fire Blossom's Proud Tortoise had cut behind his fleet in search of some more gold, and he found this intolerable. The Quigley hit her once, denting a turtle panel and killing her Explorer; then the Freedom landed three shots out of four and turned the Proud Tortoise into a sea turtle for keeps. The Quigley then used the gold stolen from the wrecked Tortoise to raise the Thompson's Island fort, and the Tweed, defiant to the last, scuttled herself rather than let Aimee tow her away.

Meanwhile, Aimee's Lilu had finished a gold cruise and was hoping for a second go-around, and her Shadow and Richard's Nautilus were both headed for home with full cargo holds. Both admirals had high hopes of doing well when the gold was counted.

In the north, most of the action was about Paul the Pirate Prince and his attempts to lay waste to his enemies. Among other things, he was determined to show that his favorite ship, the Cat's Claw, could do something besides attract cannonballs. He had an alliance with Petty Officer Jake, so his potential adversaries were Antonio to the south and Zach to the east. Antonio was fully occupied, as we shall see, but Zach's fleet was willing to dance with Paul. It was revealed that Paul had just celebrated a birthday, and Zach's family had given him bananas, which he liked very much. So, to even the score, Zach went from bananas to the Bazana, which shot a mast off the Cat's Claw.

The Cat's Claw tried to take revenge, but her one cannon missed. The President sailed into the fray and shot away both of the Bazana's masts. (Zach forgot that the President's long-range cannons can't hit the Bazana; snooze, you lose.) The final blow came from Paradis de la Mer, a fort Paul had just built with gold brought home by the Jarvis, and the Bazana went to the bottom. Paul's favorite ship then limped home to get repaired, showing once again that she's very good at attracting cannonballs, but not much else.

While this skirmish was taking place, Zach's Majestic and Corazon Dorado had been busy looting Sandbar Island and other islands nearby. The Bosun joined the ranks of the admirals who were hoping to win on gold. Jake, meanwhile, had headed his fleet toward the battle of the Bazana to help his ally. But once it looked like Paul had things under control, he turned away. Near the end of the battle, he turned toward Paul's fleet once again, complaining that he hadn't fired a shot all game, but decided to honor his alliance and turned away yet again.

In the southeast, it was a straight-up slugging match between Antonio and Mike. This wasn't the Almirante's idea; it looked like he just wanted some gold. The Cadet-Captain has adopted the submarine service as a special project of his, and he brought two submarines and an anti-sub ship, so his intentions were deadly clear. He used the Lynx to grab a bit of treasure, and positioned his subs to block Antonio's advance so he couldn't bother her. Once his one-master was safely headed for home, the first submarine wolf-pack battle in our group's history began.

Both subs rammed into the HMS Concorde; the Lamon did some damage. They attacked again; the Mercury crushed the Concorde's foremast, while the Lamon switched targets to the Le Pique and left that little ship with no masts. The Eagan eagerly joined the battle, leaving the Quigley derelict and shooting off one of the Intrepid's masts. The Intrepid shot back and hit Mike's big ship twice. The Concorde followed this with one cannon hit, then moved in for a ram that left the Eagan derelict. Both of Antonio's surviving ships turned south to catch the Lynx, or to make sure she stayed in port once she got there. Mike's ship was too fast to be caught and too small to fight, so she unloaded her gold and stayed home, rather than become a missing Lynx.

Now came a series of attacks that still have naval historians shaking their heads. Both of Mike's submarines closed in on the Concorde like hungry sharks, each hoping to ram and destroy her final mast. And for two entire turns, the Concorde fought them off (Antonio rolled three 1's in a row). It wasn't the American submarine service's finest hour. If there was a medal for sheer stubbornness, HMS Concorde would have earned it that day. But finally, the Mercury hit the Englishman's hull in a weak spot, and her last mast went past.

While this was occurring, the Intrepid had turned back north, hoping to finally get some treasure. The Lamon chased her and went in for yet another ram that knocked a second mast over the side. The Mercury's captain, however, was getting impatient to try out his excellent cannons. So he ordered "Battle surface, gun action!" and, two shots later, the Quigley and the Pique submerged like submarines, only for keeps.

They were joined a moment later by the hulk of the Eagan, which had been trying to scuttle herself for three turns and finally succeeded. Mike had been encouraging Antonio to finish her off, but that made him suspicious and he kept his distance. Her Eternal crew brought her safely home, but the battle would end long before she could repair herself. What would have happened if Antonio had towed her home, repaired her, and used her anti-submarine cannons against Mike's subs? Mike doesn't like to think about it.

When the Mercury surfaced, Antonio crowed "At last!" He had been waiting very impatiently for Mike to give him a target he could shoot at. The Intrepid fired both her cannons and scored two quick hits, one of which bounced off the Mercury's thick armor. The Mercury fired back and just missed; the Lamon made another successful ram. The Intrepid fired her last cannon and got another hit on the Mercury. Between the Mercury's last cannon and the Lamon's ramming attacks, the Intrepid's fate looked sealed.

As this battle headed for its conclusion, the Fire Blossom's shark broke the surface near the mastless Concorde. She desperately wanted to hurt something, and since her attacks on Richard's ships hadn't gone far, she took a whack at biting a hole in Antonio's three-master. Her first attempt failed, breaking a few shark's teeth in the process.

And that was how it ended; the sun had set and it was too dark to continue fighting. The fleet pursers eagerly counted their ill-gotten gains, and when the numbers were known, Bosun Zach came out in front with 20 gold. Paul was second with 17, Aimee just behind him with 16, Richard fourth with 13, Mike far back in fifth with four, and Jake's and Anthony's pockets were empty. Zach eagerly sought out the Captain's Coin and accepted it from the Cadet-Captain's hand.

Zach won the old-fashioned way, focusing on the gold and not getting distracted by combat until there was no more treasure for him to grab. Paul and the Fire Blossom both went for gold and battle at the same time; one won the fighting, the other lost, and both had a shot at victory if they hadn't shot at the enemy first. Aimee never did get her alliance with Mike, but it's hard to see how he could have helped her, seeing how her fleet went into action far away from his ships. Richard did well, and would have done better if Zach hadn't bothered him; he had to defend himself, and that took time. The other three never even tried to win on gold. Mike certainly had fun with his precious submarines, while Jake was frustrated at never firing a shot, and Antonio was making a mental note to bring some cookies next time, to buy off the Cadet-Captain.

The only ship that earned battle honors was Antonio's HMS Concorde, not for sinking ships, but for extraordinary toughness in the line of duty. If she'd folded up like Mike thought she should have, he could have disposed of the Intrepid and then headed north to bother Paul. The Concorde received the Bronze Sabre, 2nd class, for shrugging off five submarine rams and a shark bite. No other ship's performance was exceptional enough to deserve a medal.

If anyone cares, here are the standings of the Pirates' League as of this battle. Each battle counts for one point, plus 3 points for a 1st-place finish, 2 for a 2nd-place, and 1 for a 3rd. On the chart, points is the number that matters most. Only active players are included:

AdmiralBattles1st2nd3rd4th5th6th7thPointsWin %
Cadet-Captain Mike4818517521012937.50
Paul the Pirate Prince437109105029316.28
The Dread Pirate Richard446810116308813.64
Bosun Zach2154154204523.81
Petty Officer Jake2244135414318.18
Almirante Antonio2241484104018.18
The Fire Blossom2024545003910.00

This is how it looked about halfway through the action. The cluster in the top left is Paul's President in front of his Cat's Claw and Zach's Bazana (with two damage markers), with Paradis de la Mer just behind them. At center top, Jake's Metal Dragon, Fly, HMS Royal, and Floating Stone mill about in search of someone to shoot at. In the center, Zach's Majestic and La Mezquita pillage Sandbar Island. At right, the big schooner at the top is Richard's Freedom, which has just taken some shots at Zach's four-masted Corazon Dorado just below it. To their right is the damaged USS Quigley; just below that ship is the derelict HMS Tweed, which has just been shark-bitten by Aimee's Carcharodon. Next to the shark is the red Nautilus, with Aimee's Shadow just to the left. On the bottom, Mike's two subs (USS Mercury and USS Lamon) maneuver to ram Antonio's HMS Concorde, which already has two damage markers on her masts. The Intrepid is next to the Concorde; the derelict USS Quigley and Le Pique are above the subs, with the mastless USS Eagan nearby.

Scribed this day, January Sixth,
the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Ten,
by Cadet-Captain Mike

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Swoop's On
Pirates Battle Report

We thought this would be the first engagement for another new admiral, Down-East Drew, but he turned out to be a no-show, as did the Fire Blossom. That left six of the usual suspects, plus Captain Matt, who was making his second Pirates appearance (but his first in a written history).

Our fleets were made with 45 points, of which at least 10 had to be spent on crew. Alliances were allowed, but not with anyone you were sitting right next to. The atoll we fought over had a central Sandbar Island with six coins, surrounded by a ring of eight smaller islands with three coins each. A ship approaching Sandbar Island had to roll higher than its mast count, or it would bottom out on the sandy bottom and not be allowed to dock at the island.

The above-average point allowance caused many of the players to try and build "ultimate" fleets. The presence of three sea dragons shows how they were slinging build-points around with utter abandon. Just about everybody was allied with somebody, but most of those alliances didn't do anyone much good. The no-immediate-neighbors rule meant that anyone who wanted to help his ally had to cover quite a distance first.

When the action began, nearly all the ships headed north or northwest, which carried them toward Antonio and Paul. The first dust-up of the battle was between Zach and Antonio, who might have been fighting over a gold-filled island, but quickly forgot it and turned the struggle into a grudge match. Antonio's El Chico found Zach's sea dragon perched on the nearest wild island, so it boldly took on the much bigger creature and scored one hit. The Almirante's Shal-Bala then made a swoop attack against its twin and scored, leaving nothing but the head. Somehow, most of the sea-dragon owners had never heard of swoop attacks, and they all decided they liked this idea very much.

Zach's dragon head swooped back at the intact Shal-Bala and missed (it should have quit while it was a head). Its fleetmate, the Horizon, fired its cannons at the Bazana, hitting once and missing once. This was the high point of the Almirante's fortunes. On the next turn, the Pirate Prince's ships arrived, and Antonio was caught between two fires.

Mike's HMS Nautilus was the next ship to be targeted. She had been escorting the HMS Hound to a wild island, but Zach's Sea King saw a distant target and let fly at double range with her best cannon. It missed, but it still affected the battle; Mike immediately declared self-defense, and the speedy Nautilus left her charge and aimed her fine cannons at Zach's Horizon. "It was the Sea King that shot you," Zach pointed out helpfully. "Yes, but my guns are better against American ships," the Nautilus' captain retorted. And he was right; the English schooner hit three for three and sent the Horizon straight to the bottom.

This took some of the pressure off of Antonio, with whom Mike had an alliance. But it didn't make enough of a difference. The remains of Zach's sea dragon made a swoop at Antonio's Bazana, and missed again. Paul's fleet, on the other hand, did very little missing. This was due in part to Le Superbe's well-made guns and in part to Roberto Santana's excellent aim. Paul's first salvo hit Antonio's sea dragon twice and missed twice; its fifth shot brought down a mast on El Chico, which looked like it might become bothersome to Paul. Shal-Bala came back with a swoop against El Garante that levelled two masts, and the battle was joined.

The tiny El Chico tried to support Shal-Bala by ramming the much bigger El Garante, but the ram did no damage. Paul's ship then boarded El Chico, or tried to; the smaller Spaniard fought the bigger Spaniard to a draw. Antonio's little ship then landed one cannon hit on Paul's five-master. That was all Antonio could do; the big French ship landed two hits in a row on El Chico, sinking her, and put another piece of Shal-Bala out of commission as well.

Zach's dragon was about to swoop in and finish Antonio's dragon when Mike intervened with the words everyone else has come to dread: "It is my wish that you not wipe out Anthony's fleet." This is a veiled threat; his "wish" carries the force of a direct order, at least in his own mind, and whoever crosses this "wish" finds himself on the wrong end of Relentless Flaming Death. So Zach's dragon swooped at Mike's Nautilus instead... and missed for the third time.

Paul was under no such constraint; El Garante took two shots at Antonio's dragon, hit it once, and slew it. That left one ship in Antonio's fleet, the battered Bazana, and Zach's sea dragon took it out a moment later with a successful swoop attack (its first and only hit of the battle). The Sea King took another shot at Mike's Nautilus, and missed again.

Please don't think that the other admirals were doing nothing all this time; far from it. The Dread Pirate Richard decided that Matt's big Zeus was his biggest concern, and spent the first three turns trying to close the range on it. Jake was not permitted to have an alliance with his neighbor Richard, but they acted like they had one anyway. Jake's fleet was following Richard's longships, either to cover his back or to get in on the same battle, and nervously watching as Mike's fleet closed in on him from astern. And what of Matt?

Matt was headed for where the actions was, which meant the battle between Paul and Antonio. But it took him a while to get there, and when he arrived, the cannon smoke had already dissipated and Paul was ready for him. Still, Captain Matt maneuvered to get the first shot, but only two of his short-range cannons could get shots off, and both missed El Garante.

Now was Le Superbe's moment, and she showed again that she's a lucky ship. WIth or without help from Santana, it took guts to sail up next to an intact ten-master and open fire, but that's what she did. And she shot five for five. Matt watched in dismay as mast after mast split and fell overboard, and when Paul was done, the Zeus was down to half the cannons she started with. Matt wanted no more of that party; he swerved away toward Richard instead.

At about the same time, Mike's HMS Leicester had finally overtaken Jake's fleet, using a series of double moves provided by Lt. Chads. He opened fire on her fellow Englishman, HMS Royal, and left her derelict with two hits. Jake's reply was to send his dragon into action. Another swoop attack went in, and the Leicester found out how it feels to lose two masts from one hit.

"No problem," announced her Captain. "Weve got another double action from Chads, so that's four shots we'll be taking at that fell beast, and we need to hit it only twice." Too bad they only hit it once. The dragon swooped again, and now there were two English derelicts that used to have four masts.

Jake's little Coeur de Lion decided to join the fray; it isn't clear if she meant to sink the Leicester or tow her. Before she could get close enough, Mike's HMS Hound tried to intervene, racing over at full speed, but just barely failing to get close enough to ram. The Coeur de Lion fired her one cannon and missed; Jake apparently forgot about his Cannoneer.

Paul's Le Superbe then aimed her guns at Zach's dragon, and now Paul had two dragon's heads to hang on the wall in his trophy room. Matt's Royal James realized she was both outclassed and outnumbered, so she grabbed two coins from the nearest island and ran for home. The Zeus, still feeling confident, boldly took on both of Richard's longships. She rammed the Hrothgar and failed to do any damage, then boarded her and lost the fight (and her Musketeer). For reasons unknown, she failed to open fire. Richard had no such problems, and while he wasn't anywhere near as accurate as Le Superbe, he didn't have to be. His longships opened up a long barrage that shattered one mast after another on their much bigger target, until the Zeus' battered hull slipped beneath the waves forever.

As it stood now, Antonio was out of the battle; Paul had one intact five-master and one damaged one; Matt and Zach each had a two-masted ship; Richard's three-masted longships were both intact; Jake had half a dragon and a one-master; and Mike had a three-master and a two-master, both undamaged. Richard had a big advantage in cannon power, but Paul's lucky Frenchman could not be ignored. But, quite suddenly, the battle ended, due to a total eclipse of the sons. That is, Lt. Dave announced that both his sons had to go home with him. Matt's Mom made a similar announcement, and Mike had little choice but to announce that the fray was finished. Everybody counted their gold.

For most of the admirals, it didn't take much counting. Four of them had picked up no treasure at all. Cadet-Captain Mike's HMS Hound had three coins, but they were all low value. Zach had gotten two coins, as did Matt, but Zach was smiling. He had a 6 and a 5, and given the limited assortment of coins we use, the only way Matt could have beaten him was to have found the other 6 and the lone 7.

Wouldn't you know, that's exactly what Matt had found? He lost his big ship, but his little ship won for him. He had forgotten to bring back the Captain's Coin from his last victory, but it didn't matter, since he now gets to keep it until our next skirmish. Zach came in a close second, Mike was third, and there was a four-way tie for fourth.

This was the first time that sea dragons had played any major role in our fighting. All three of them landed at least one swoop attack; Antonio's and Jake's hit twice each, and both of them were awarded the Bronze Sabre, second class for Antonio's for causing general mayhem, and first class to Jake's for stopping Mike's rampage and thus keeping Jake in the game. Paul's Le Superbe won a rare Gold Sabre for crippling the Zeus, sinking El Chico single-handed, finishing off Zach's dragon, and damaging Antonio's dragon, while taking no damage in return. Matt's Royal James, which had entered the battle armed for fighting, not only wound up serving as a gold ship, but received the Order of the Buccaneer for winning the game for him.

With the exception of the Zeus not firing on Richard's ships, no one made any mistakes tonight. It was a hard-fought battle, as proven by the damage reports: of the eighteen ships that started the battle, six were sunk, two left derelict, and two more damaged. The Dread Pirate Richard was the only admiral who took no losses. But he, like the majority of the admirals, made no attempt to pick up any gold, and gold is still the way to win these battles. Speaking of which, no one ever made it to Sandbar Island and its bountiful hoard. However, it is believed that everyone had a fine time anyway.

Overheard during the game:

Several admirals were contending for some Skittles they found on a shelf. Mike cautioned them, "Don't eat the big pink Skittle!" When they greedily looked where he was pointing, it turned out to be a Pink Pearl pencil eraser.

Scribed this day, April Twelfth,
the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Ten,
by Cadet-Captain Mike

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